So, I've come to the conclusion (once again) that's its time I put my foot down and take more charge in the relationships in my life. Every so often I start to lose sights that this is MY life, and no one else's. I have to live it FOR me..... if I don't.. who will?
God bless.
A lot has been going on lately, a lot of stress, a lot of heartache. I'm emotionally drained. Being stressed which is one of the things I do best, is one of the most exhausting ways of life. Stress drains your mental, emotional, and physical energies & in the end you either want to just cry or explode into confetti. I'm feeling a mixture of both. My life is changing so much & I'm feeling & realizing new things every day & my main partner in crime is so far away from me.. its hard to feel like we're even growing together. This distance between us has helped though, we've both matured a lot in the relationship front. I mean really, marriage & family was the last thing on our minds just a few months ago & now its all we talk about. I guess its true that distance tends to bring people closer together.
As for me alone, I've been heavily emotional lately for no apparent reason. Not really in the mood to see people either. Weird for me, but I don't know. I guess those 2 weeks of people in and out was enough fun for me.
Well, had another great trip to NYC this weekend to spend time with my babyface. He makes my heart sing with a new joy every visit. I feel bad over the little differences we seem to have every so often but at the end of the day its the differences and how you overcome them that help the relationship to grow that much stronger. We spoke of marriage again, this time a lot more serious. Even to the point of going into Tiffany & Co. to look at rings. I'm in a daze, but a positive one. I wish everyone a love & happiness like I have. Its not easy though, everybody tells me they envy my relationship but not realizing that to get to the point we're at now took so much... blood, sweat, & tears. LITERALLY. Its all been worth it though.
I'm starting to have that chlostrophobic (spelling?) Feeling again about Virginia. I feel like wings can be spread so much further for happiness and opportunity in NYC. I really have hopes of making a fulltime move there in the next couple of years. Hopefully it all goes "swimmingly".
Its really aggravating spending your life feeling like every move you make is wrong and being judged. Normally I don't care what people think about me but at the end of the day, harsh critizism gets exhausting. I feel like the world is on my shoulders and I just need a break before I'm driven to suicide or another type of wrong escape. New York bound yet again in two days.
So, this weekend has been one of the craziest. Its left me practically dead on this rainy Sunday morning. I didn't even realize that it was Sunday.. I used to live for the weekends when there was people in and out and chillen all the time, illegal acts and blasting LMFAO.. But now.... I'm just kind of over it. I feel like an old woman saying that but.. I don't know.. why risk getting in trouble with family & law, when everybody could just chill and still have a great time due to the company that's with you? OR to be honest, we can just cause mischief and somebody else's house...? Hmm.. Problem solved.
I've been getting inconsistent with my daily post. I again apologize, I told myself I wouldn't let it happen. But, not too much is going in my life today. I recently had started to question my relationship and if I was still really happy after two & a half years and well, oddly... it pushed me closer to him. I've never been in a relationship like this and I've never felt the way I do about anyone like this. And I can assure the world, this love is real. In other news, my social life is seeming a bit more lively, wish these people were around 2 months ago. But hey! "Better late then never".
I feel like I'm late on a post or two... O_o My apologies. Let's see what's going on in my life right now, *skims memory*
Well, I've been having a pretty chill time since I've gotten back from NYC. Chillen with good friends, catching up on things. Milking these last days of summer for all they're worth. Its nice to finally have a busy schedule and to be able to have options of what to do and who to chill with versus taking the first thing that falls in your lap b/c there's nothing else to do. This is good for me, good for my soul. I've been laughing a lot, I missed that, I seemed before to only laugh on the weekends when I'm with him. But now my endorphins are in action more often and I'm happier.
Rest In Peace Darius Porter, Condolences & love to Mika and their family & friends. May God bless you all. <3
So I'm finally back in RVA, my trip was long and grueling. But filled with great music, I swear once I have my headphones in its like my own little party in my head. O_o anyway, super duper exhausted, hitting the sheets. Goodnight world.
Today was yet another spectacular day that makes me sit back at the end of it and just smile. I've been coming to New York all 18 years of my life and it amazes me that this absolutely amaaazing guy I've only been with for 2 and half out of the 18 is showing me such wonders that I've NEVER been introduced to by my own family and friends. Either way, this trips been 2 thumbs way up and way more then needed.
Well, technically I have failed and didn't get to write a post for August 5th (since it is now 12:20am on August 6th). To make it up to my readers...... the first ever pics to be posted on this blog, taken by yours truly tonight! :)) Enjoy..
I wanted to do todays post while I was literally "NY Bound" BUT by the time I am it'll technically be tomorrow. So I'm leaving in the next hour & a half. I ask that my readers pray for me a safe trip. And my next post will be from the best place! WHOO! ;-*
Against my mother and grandmother's wishes, I will be NY Bound tomorrow night. I don't do things like this to be a "rebel" or anything like that, its just a trip I know I need and that would do me some good. And besides, its only for the weekend. I've prayed - more then once - for the Lord to keep safe on my travels and I packed this morning, LET'S GO!
So, today I didn't do much, chilled with a couple friends and thought a lot. Looks like I'm taking a good ol' visit to NYC this weekend. Quite excited, I miss it there and I need a get away to a place I love. Nothing does the heart better then a good dose of comfort... and romance (of course). Not getting my hopes up to high for spectaculars, but my love says he is taking me out, so let's see what lies ahead.
Cleaning up & arranging plans tomorrow. TTFN
So, judging by my Facebook news feed and my Twitter timeline, the question has risen in my mind: is the world just becoming more and more childish by the second?
I see so much hypocracy and idiocracy that I just want to delete both accounts and stick to blogging (more lowkey). Everything pumping out of the fingers and into the keyboards of my generation is exhausting and almost brainwashing. Its disgusting, everybody needs a reality check. Just Sayin!
