"And I Wonder.."

I was up until about 6am last night, due to my thoughts practically ripping me to shreds. Such a horrible state to be in, chemicals in your brain not cooperating and producing images and words that shouldn't even be a factor. I'm thankful that sleep washed away most of the pain that it was causing and I'm happy to announce I'm able to finish therapy like I intended.

Babycakes & Motivation

Even though we put each other through our fair share of aggravation & stress, at the end of the day there's no where I'd rather be then in your arms. Three years strong approaching in April & I couldn't be more excited. 

In other news, looks like I'm getting a little motivation back in my life after a drought that almost did me in. I'm thankful. 

Maybe I can still make it without therapy, high hopes for the future!

The Universe Is Back In Order Captain

Thanking God, that my phone brushed against my leg yesterday morning or else I'd still be in the darkest room of my depression. Life still has its normal struggles BUT I now have more hope for myself. 

The only let down of the last few days was finding out that I won't be finishing my therapy. This filled me with fear and discourage at first but I plan to take what little I did get from my most recent two appointments and moving forward.

Keep me and my heart in your prayers. 

I Don't Have A Title

A few years ago I made a list of all the things I didn't like about myself. I hit high double digits and the list has done nothing but grown.

Now Playing: Please Don't Play This Song by Kid Cudi Featuring Mary J. Blige

Goodnight.

Sigh....

In my opinion, one of the worst feelings in life is the feeling right after you've caused a big ordeal thinking you're so right the whole time only to find out you were completely wrong and you now look like the biggest idiot. I might have ruined my only opportunity at happiness last night and I wake up this morning filled with regret.

I send thanks to my good friend who talked through things with me last night. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be on my high horse pointing fingers right now. But you snapped me out the nightmare that I had formed in my head out of insanity. After being brought back to earth on a realist's & logical level, my only fear is that even though now my mind is on the right path, it might be too late.

I've spent all of this time praying that God will help me through this and that this will end up like every other time and we'll move on from it. But how can I tell?

Thinking about it I feel that maybe I'm just doing the same thing I was doing last night assuming before I even talk to you. You told me we'd talk today, so I'm waiting by the phone.

Thank You

His interest & belief in my poetry inspires me to start writing again, such a beautiful muse.

I love you.