Shed Light on the Situation

My insecurites are ruining my life.

The things I think about and then focus on... are making me hate myself.

I cry on a daily... just thinking about all the ways of life that would make me so much happier but I feel as though I can't reach them.

As if I'm..... roadblocking myself. My actions and ways are what influence the thoughts of the people around me while normally I wouldn't care.. this go around... I realize, people's thoughts influence they're actions towards me along with how they treat me in general. Some things.... have got.... to change. No questions asked. If not, I'll drive everyone away for the simple fact that they find me psychotic. 

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Atlas

In this place that I am, the state that I'm in. Where my mind is, body is, soul is, heart is. And then the kind of person I am. Its so hard to find a person compatible. That means love and friendship. When my heart aches, it aches as if its tempted to take its last beat. And then I just sit there, waiting for God to take all this pain on my shoulders away from me, just so I don't have to do it myself. I look at myself in HD and zoom in on my flaws, to only make myself think that they are what makes me. And not in a good way. Once he called me beautiful, but I just don't feel that way at this moment. Having mutliple ppl tell you what a fuck up you are, is anything but a source of kindness and happiness. It adds on. I'm being destroyed, as if I was a monster set on this atlas without a purpose at all.

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