I Don't Have A Title

A few years ago I made a list of all the things I didn't like about myself. I hit high double digits and the list has done nothing but grown.

Now Playing: Please Don't Play This Song by Kid Cudi Featuring Mary J. Blige

Goodnight.

Sigh....

In my opinion, one of the worst feelings in life is the feeling right after you've caused a big ordeal thinking you're so right the whole time only to find out you were completely wrong and you now look like the biggest idiot. I might have ruined my only opportunity at happiness last night and I wake up this morning filled with regret.

I send thanks to my good friend who talked through things with me last night. If it wasn't for you, I'd still be on my high horse pointing fingers right now. But you snapped me out the nightmare that I had formed in my head out of insanity. After being brought back to earth on a realist's & logical level, my only fear is that even though now my mind is on the right path, it might be too late.

I've spent all of this time praying that God will help me through this and that this will end up like every other time and we'll move on from it. But how can I tell?

Thinking about it I feel that maybe I'm just doing the same thing I was doing last night assuming before I even talk to you. You told me we'd talk today, so I'm waiting by the phone.

Thank You

His interest & belief in my poetry inspires me to start writing again, such a beautiful muse.

I love you.

Showered with knowledge..

So, I've been on edge lately, practically killing myself with stress. Lashing out & just worrying myself way too much. So when I took my shower today, as corny as it may sound, I asked God for guidance and answers. And I swear what I need for myself seems so clear now.

Words of Wisdom children, if you want things to change in your life you have to do some changing yourself. I realize that now, and I'm in the midst of making some moves.

May peace be with you all.

Oh, I See Now... Nevermind, Not Really

My emotions are in HD right now and driving me crazy. I'm not too sure what's going on with me, I'm just irritable all the time and aggravated. All the thoughts keeping me up at night are on the way to being the death of me. I need to get away, NYC, darling.. I miss you. 

Nervous..

Its the worst when you don't know what's going on in your own life. When you're so stressed from pain your stomach hurts. When you've cried so much you can't cry anymore. I'll never understand why we have times like this & why they have to hurt so bad and confuse so much & then more & more factors are added which make it worse because you're starting to see reality versus the picture you painted in your head. I keep thinking over and over what will I say when the time approaches and I still don't know. I haven't been this emotionally drained in so long, so many thoughts, so many feelings. Its the worst when you're emotional pain turns to physical. To make matters worse no therapy til next week, who do I even talk to about these things in depth since my best friend won't talk to me. Its not fun being alone.

Business, A Way of Life

I've been slacking but lifes been hectic. My babys back living here and we've been making up for lost time, all the lovins been amazing. With that, we're getting started in business together. You know, my view on life has always been Money is necessary but not what runs life. Even though in a way it does, I try not to be "money hungry" and stuck on a materialistic mindset. But I do have goals and I believe that goals drive people to do things and to be more successful. That & seeing people around you making moves when you're just sitting on the couch watching 16 & Pregnant. Get up and make something of yourself kids.