¿Que Pasa Contigo?

I'm a little confused as to what's been going on with me lately. Feeling like a female Howard Hughes, I don't want to move or leave my room. I'm just stuck with the weight of the world on my mind and shoulders. A ticking time bomb, any little thing can really set me off in any direction these days. I'm longing for something... & it's driving me off the edge to not get it, but it cannot be forced, so I took today to try to give space, possibly be longed for... Back. I need to let out a lot in this post, so prepare. I think back to my past relationships & at this point I remember a lot of hurt. Right now, all I can think to myself is a lot of the feelings I've felt before & I don't ever want to feel again, with that being said, I'm almost scared to fall in love again, even though I question am I already in the process. I miss being comforted. Having someone be genuinely affectionate towards me. My situation now, is one that makes me happy but also one that has potential for so much more. I am usually one to be aggressive when I want something but this... Isn't usual. I can't do what I would do with anybody, it's different, it's a different feeling then what I've had before. I'm more confused then ever. Trying to "go with the flow" is taking to long to get me the answers I need. And I'm just at a block.